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Authoritative Parenting: A Balanced Parenting Style
There are four styles of parenting: authoritarian, authoritative (sometimes called egalitarian), permissive, and
uninvolved. The uninvolved style is not so much a way of parenting as it is a lack of parenting, and it’s hard on
kids. Kids with an uninvolved parent often struggle with feelings of rejection, lack of self-esteem, and trust
issues.
Authoritarian, authoritative and permissive parenting styles describe a range of styles, with authoritarian
parenting on one end, permissive parenting on the other, and authoritative parenting in the middle. Authoritarian
parents tend to be high in structure and low in responsiveness, and permissive parents tend to be low in structure
and high in responsiveness. Although these are just styles—different ways of parenting—and you can’t make value
judgments between them, authoritative parenting is the most balanced style.
Structure
Structure is important in authoritative parenting. Rules and limits are clear, and the children know what
consequences to expect for infractions. Routines, schedules and traditions help provide a sense of stability and
make the children feel secure. For example, a school-aged child knows when bedtime is, and what will happen if he
stalls and delays as a teen knows when curfew is, and what will happen if she is late.
Responsiveness
Authoritative parents are responsive to their children. Children have a voice and their input is valued and
listened to, so mom and dad respond to their needs and problems, and are sensitive to their emotional status. There
is flexibility in authoritative parenting that allows the parents to bend the rules on occasion. The school-aged
child may be allowed to stay up late to watch a special TV program, or the teen may be forgiven for being late
(once) when she was riding with a friend who wouldn’t leave on time.
Decision-making
In authoritative parenting, decisions are made collaboratively. Children have choices—up to a point. Parents listen
to their input, but the final decision rests with the parents. Authoritative families function as a team, and
differing needs are negotiated. This results in less conflict and more balance than with other parenting styles. In
an authoritative family, the children above may be able to negotiate a new bedtime or curfew.
Authoritative parenting is a balanced parenting style, with both high structure and high responsiveness. The
parents are engaged and flexible, but they are still the parents. Structure—rules, limits and boundaries—is
present, but not rigid.
Children who have authoritative parenting tend to do well both socially and functionally. They tend not to get into
problem behaviors, and not to have serious emotional problems. Authoritative parenting is a balanced style, and it
produces well-balanced children.
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