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Helpful Hints for Banishing the Parenting Guilties
Parenting is not an easy job even if it might come to you naturally, or your kids are just little lambs. Parenting
is a skill that we have to learn and includes many challenges we will have to face along the way. Therefore it is
just normal that every so often we get the parenting guilties. What we mean by this is that parents can feel guilty
for many things, such as not taking them to certain activities, having to little time for the children and
especially when we have to say “no”.
If you are a busy parent, you might often be rushing around. You are running one errand after another in between
kids’ activities such as soccer practice, ballet classes and birthday parties. Since you are always on the run, you
spent very little time with your children. Parent/family time often is down to the bare minimum and even though we
are running to get our kids to their activities, we feel more than guilty. There is barely time to teach them
things that are dear to you, there is no time for family dinners and there is even less time for communication. So
what to do about the guilt? There are actually a few things you can do.
First of all, if you work long hours to support the family, but you really do not have another choice, do not feel
guilty, cherish the time that you have to spend with your family and children. The money is necessary to feed and
support your family’s life style and activities and therefore you should never feel guilty about working. Of course
there is a fine line between working necessary hours and working too much. Sometimes we do not know when we cross
that line. Therefore evaluate your working hours. If it is to keep your job or to reach a promotion, do not feel
guilty. Treasure and cherish the time you have instead of feeling guilty about what you do not have.
Some parents feel guilty when they say “no” to their children. Saying “no” to a child that begs or throws a tantrum
can be hard. In a child’s world a no can feel like the end of the world and therefore they shed tears like it is
the end of the world. For some parents it is one of the hardest things to see their children cry. A sad child can
make parents say yes faster than anything else in the world. Do not feel guilty to say “no”, when you think it is
something they do not need, should not do or plain is something bad for them. Say no firmly and stand your ground.
Push guilt aside through a firm believe in your decision. You are the parent and you know best what is good for
your child. Your child might not see it that way, but you are the adult.
Another way you do not have to feel guilty about using the word “No” is using it sparingly. It will loose its
effect if it is used too often. Children need a certain freedom, freedom of choice, freedom to fail and learn and
the freedom of doing what they want as long as it cannot seriously hurt them. Instead of saying, “no, do not do
that, you will get hurt” use sentences such as “Be careful when you do this, you could get hurt”, then let them
decide on their own what they want to do. For younger children it often helps to distract them, give them something
else to do and they dreaded “no” does not have to cross your lips. “No” should be reserved for situations when
danger or serious mishaps can harm your child.
Lastly, if you cannot afford to have your children participate in certain activities, do not feel guilty. A child
does not need to do everything other children do, it does not need to own every toy there is on the big toy market.
Give them what they need and what you can afford, but never feel guilty for not being able to, rather feel proud
about what you can give them.
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